Realisations
by BlackPepper3964
Summary: Akashi tells the Kiseki no Sedai (most) of the effects their actions and attitude had on Kuroko. (Part of my Crushes and Coils series)


**So... hahaha. Sorry about the long wait! I've been working on like four things at once, and then there's all my uni work that's really piling up now - but then, knowing me, that's when I'll be writing the most! But, anyway, please enjoy, I know this has been a long time in coming!**

 **BP**

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 _Realisations_

Akashi faced his old teammates with a solemnity they hadn't seen for a while. They hadn't met up anywhere particularly worrying – they were, after all, in Akashi's own home, scattered around the living room sofas, but Kuroko wasn't there, and the air was tinted with a heaviness that they hadn't felt since the last time they met up with Akashi's heterochromatic self before his original self returned at the first Winter Cup they all competed in.

"Akashi, why isn't Kuroko here?" Aomine, as always, had no intention of waiting until the redhead was ready. Akashi blinked, choosing his words carefully, the pause making Kise and Midorima shift a little uncomfortably while Murasakibara debated opening another bar of Maibou and deciding not to.

"Kuroko is not here because he doesn't need to be." The implication drew their focus, and a little of Aomine's anger.

"Oi, Kuroko deserves to be with us – he's always been a part of us." He protested, scowling. Akashi sharpened his gaze on him, anger and an emotion almost malicious on his face, despite it remaining as smooth as ever.

"Did we always make him feel that way?" He snapped, his fist clenching and glaring at each of them in turn. Aomine went to speak, but stopped, mouth closing and scowl fading.

"What is this about?" Midorima asked, tone careful. Akashi exhaled through his nose slowly in a long, drawn out sigh. He leaned back in his chair and rested his elbows on the arms, one hand resting on his lap and the other curling on his cheek, supporting his head.

"It has come to my attention recently," He began slowly, eyes closed and voice controlled, "That Kuroko was affected by our actions in Teiko far more than we realised." Murasakibara's brow furrowed in confusion.

"But wasn't that five years ago?" Akashi remained silent.

"Kurokocchi said he was fine – he forgave us, even!" Akashi opened his eyes, looking at them all, but didn't respond otherwise. There was a pause.

Midorima sighed. "But that doesn't mean that he wasn't affected by what we did – that he _isn't_ affected now." Akashi pinned him with his gaze and nodded shortly.

"We damaged him more than he has ever indicated. Far more." He said, quietly and with an undertone of guilt. "Some more than others." Kise frowned.

"Akashicchi, you didn't do anything to him." Akashi grimaced.

"I wish that were true, Kise, I really do." Akashi sighed heavily, ignoring the shocked expressions of his friends. "But I think I'm actually the one who dealt the most damage, with the exception of Aomine." The bluenette shouted in wordless protest, but was glared at by every other person in the room. Aomine closed his mouth and sighed in sullen recognition.

"How did you find out?" Midorima asked tentatively, almost worried for the answer. Akashi sighed, looking weary in a way he never had before.

"He told me what Aomine did exactly and how that made him feel, and then explained that the only reason he didn't just give up on us and basketball after all of us decided to abandon team-play was because I –" He swallowed, avoiding all of their eyes lest they read too much in them – not in the least the way his left eye was slowly turning orange. "– I kept him on the team. It wasn't because he was useful that I kept him there," He added, looking at them all again, red and golden eyes staring back at them, and making a few of them squirm a little. "but because it was easier than changing the way the team had worked for the previous two years – anyone else but him would have complained at the way we played and insisted on being passed the ball more. I knew that he wouldn't, I knew that he would just accept it." The rest of them shivered at his cold tone, though they saw the remorse in his eyes, and felt a sense of dread. "He told me that, despite the fact he knew I was using him to win, to make the ride smoother, he didn't care because it made him feel _useful_. After Daiki looked at him and his efforts and found him lacking and threw him away –" Aomine scowled.

"I didn't look at him and find him _lacking -!_ " Akashi raised an eyebrow at him, just as the rest turned to look at him. "And I didn't _'throw him away'_ either!" Surprisingly to the rest of them, Kise scoffed, crossing his arms.

"Oh, really? What do you think you would call ignoring him on the court, ignoring his pleas for you to come to practice – and shut your mouth, I _heard_ him trying – and then telling him that you, oh what was it?" Kise growled sarcastically, a fire behind his eyes, "Might it have been that you know how to receive his passes anymore? You know? That sounds a little familiar to me." Aomine stayed silent and looked away. Kise took a breath, then continued, a little calmer. "Because if that isn't 'throwing him away' then I don't know what is. Did you ever actually apologise to him for that?" There was a pause. "While I'm thinking on it, did you apologise for what you said at the first Inter-High? I don't know what you said, but I know you hurt him a lot – he was crying, for goodness' sake!" Both Akashi and Midorima's eyebrows rose at that – neither of them knew this one. Aomine looked ashamed.

"Shintarou, you were also there." Akashi said, but the other man shook his head.

"I didn't know – I must not have been in the right position for it." Midorima adjusted his glasses. "So, Aomine, what idiotic thing did you say to him this time?" Aomine frowned in thought for a moment before he winced.

" _Oohhh._ " He groaned, rubbing his hands over his face. "I was _such a dick_." The pleasantness that was in Akashi's smile was only a think cover for maliciousness and they all knew it.

"Hm? Well, if even _you_ acknowledge it…" He muttered leadingly. Aomine gave him a withering glare.

"I don't need to hear that from _you_." He said with no heat before sighing. Murasakibara grunted gently, deciding to open the Maibou after all, if only to have something to do with his hands.

"You demeaned Kuro-chin's basketball again, didn't you?" He asked dully. Though it was a question, the rest of them heard it as more of statement. "You reminded him of how he felt in our third year." Aomine didn't even need to answer, his expression speaking for him.

"Aomine." Midorima spoke before Akashi, who looked like he truly desired something sharp, could. His voice was the hardest any of them had heard it. "Why would you do that – to Kuroko, no less? We _all_ know how important basketball was to him." Aomine bristled.

"Oh, like any of you were any better." He hissed.

"I was." Midorima said shortly. "I've always respected Kuroko's strength and his determination. The only reason I wanted to beat him in the game was because I believed at the time that he'd chosen a team that didn't deserve him or acknowledge his strength. I thought that they would bring him down, and ignore his potential." He shrugged. "I was proved wrong, and then helped him from time to time." Kise nodded.

"I think I was, too. I was constantly asking him to be with me – like Midorima, I thought the team he'd chosen was too weak." A wry smile. "He was still my instructor in my mind and he still taught me a lot – he was, after all, the first shabby guy I respected." He wiggled, momentarily broken out of his solemn mood by his excitement. "I still can't get over the fact Kurokocchi considered me his rival!" Murasakibara interrupted the blonde's squeals.

"I like Kuro-chin. He has good taste." The other's interpreted that as that he'd never said anything against Kuroko's basketball or really against Kuroko himself. A weak smile spread Akashi's lips as the Kiseki looked to him.

"I wasn't." His golden eye glinted. "While I challenged Tetsuya to show me what he thought was wrong with how I did things at Teiko, challenged him to show me _his_ basketball, I didn't truly believe in it – and Tetsuya knew it. I looked forward to seeing it, but only so I could defeat it and so show him that he should have listened to me when he had the chance – I wanted him to break. I mentored him – his basketball was mine. While my other self did, in fact, make reparations when he came back, I – I waited. For a long time." He frowned. "Longer than I should have, I think." Running fingers through his bangs, he met Aomine's eyes. "Did you ever apologise, Daiki? If not, I really suggest you do. You," He swallowed, looking haunted suddenly, to the distress to everyone else. "You really do not know what we did to him." They looked at him with surprise and dread.

"Akashicchi, what happened?" Kise asked tentatively. The redhead's left eye slowly turned back to red as he swallowed, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands in front of him. They immediately felt worried, looking at the tense, nervous posture of the one person they'd never considered to be nervous (excepting that one time they caught him trying to make up to Kuroko).

"It's not something I should share. Just know that what happened in Teiko damaged his self-esteem immensely and he has… days when he doesn't know what to do. When he doesn't know why he carries on. I mean, he told me before that he doesn't always think he's worth anything, but…" He shuddered, clenching his clasped hands harder, trying to minimalise the shaking. "It's so different when you actually see it. It's so easy to reassure someone that they're worth something when you don't see what it actually does to someone, to feel like that." He murmured quietly, almost to himself, though everyone heard it.

There was silence as they all processed what had been said. Finally, Aomine sighed heavily. "It's a little late for me to apologise directly, but I guess I'll sneak it into a conversation at some point." Akashi nodded.

"With any luck, that will help, at least a little." Then he sighed. "If I'm honest, I don't quite know why I wanted to tell all of you this, when it wouldn't change past actions and a simple apology would not only be too little, too late, but out-of-the-blue as well. We all had a part in this – even if Aomine and I were the worst, the rest of you still ignored him where you never did before. I understand that it's all different now, but it still… just needed to be said." The redhead recovered from the vague uncertainty, and glared faintly at them. "It goes without saying that Kuroko never hears of this conversation. None of us are without blame for his state right now – and it's not my place to berate Ogiwara Shigehiro on the way he abandoned Kuroko with no explanation or warning." He added, almost grumpily. Kise snorted, unable to hide his distaste – and neither can anyone else.

"All of us wish it was." He muttered bitterly to accompanying nods of agreement.

"Even so, Akashi, it is… useful to know exactly what effect we had on Kuroko, though not pleasant." Midorima said meaningfully, sending looks to the others.

"I knew Kuro-chin was hurting, but I didn't know it was that bad." Murasakibara added, tone thoughtful.

"Ma, we'll just have to make sure that he knows how important he is now, yeah?" Aomine snorted at Kise.

"That's –" They are interrupted by the sound of a key entering and turning the lock of the front door. Kuroko, oblivious to their presence at first, took off his coat as he entered, and breathed warmth into his hands as he toed his shoes off. He looked up and startled as he realised they were there.

"Hello," He greeted, a question hidden in his voice, "why is everyone here?" Akashi chuckled at the confusion and stood, making his way to Kuroko.

"I thought we hadn't all met up with each other in a while so I invited them all over. And really, Tetsuya, where are your gloves?" He admonished, shaking his head before he could get an answer, knowing what it would be. "Anyway, they were all early." Irritation shot through him at the snort Aomine let out at the lie.

"Oh?" Kuroko raised an eyebrow. "I'm impressed, Aomine-kun. You were not only on-time for something – you were actually early. Do I need to check your temperature?" He teased, completely deadpan. The basketball Ace squawked in offence and protest.

"Tetsu! I'm not that bad!" Akashi smiled as Kuroko gave a miniscule smile, eyes nearly glowing in happiness as they approach their friends and Kise and Midorima join Kuroko in teasing Aomine.

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 **I hope you enjoyed this, and please, if there's anything at all you want to see from this series, please, please let me know. I WILL get round to it (eventually). Other than the ones that exist already, I only have two (?) more stories planned, so don't hesitate if there's something you want to see!**

 **BP**

 **EDIT: I'm now also on Twitter with, and I'll be giving little updates to my progress on there ;) BlackPepper3964**


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